How to be Cool. Extremely. Cool.

     Are you the unnoticed dull person in your youth group? Do people throw mud at you and tell you to go away when you try to join their conversation? Do people part for you like the Red Sea to get away from you? Are you a loser at Frisbee and basketball?
     Then don't worry. Here are several innovative, hip, astonishing, and amazing ways to be cool.

    1. First of all, you need to decide whether you will be "cool" as in up to date on the latest fashions and fads, or will be more "hip" and stand out a bit more. If you're going to be a little ahead of your time in fashion, well, that's okay. Just make sure you always have sunglasses either on your head, or over your eyes. Yeah, I know. Revolutionary idea.

    2. Instead of awkwardly standing in a group not say anything, do some attention-grabbing stunt or move. Like grabbing your (or anyone's, really) Nike hat, throwing it on the ground, and stomping it into the ground, saying how "horrible" Nike is, and how those other brands are so much better.
 This should spark interesting conversations.

3. Pretend you know people really well. They may not know you from Adam or Eve, but who cares? Go up and say how you've missed them, and give them a big hug. If you feel like getting pushed off a cliff.

4. For basketball or Frisbee, there is an excellent way to recover from that missed 3-pointer or hammered Frisbee to the end zone. Say the following, in any order.
     A. "The sun was in my eyes!"
     B. "There was a wind."
     C. "The ground/floor was slippery."
     D. "It was that guy's (point at random person) fault!"
     E. "There was a slight error in my pre-flight trigonometric calculations, thrown off by the gravitational pull of the moon."
     F. "Hey, look at the dazzling distraction flying overhead!"
     G. "It's too cloudy."
     H. "Would you believe that. Someone missed. I never miss. Well, almost never. You people got to observe history today! You got to see me miss a shot! You want my autograph?"

5. The final way to be cool is to carry ice cubes around with you. Ice cubes are cool. This will be cool. Extremely cool.

Completely, Cheerily, Happily, Sincerely, and Undubitably Yours Truly,
       -Me